so today is the start of a new life i suppose...
i have been going in cirles with this guy. i love him dearly but it was most definately an unhealty love between us.
i ended our "friendship" today. enough circling. enough pain. enough lying and pretending to be happy.
i might love him and continue to love him for a while...but eventually the pain will end and i will have moved on from him. love is never supposed to be this much pain. and it wont be anymore. because im not letting it control my actions and control my life.
the thought of never speaking to him again hurts severly...but it is for the best i believe. to think i have marks on myself i created from the pain he caused me...forever will i have to look down on myself and be reminded of him. the physical scars though will never compare to the emotional ones.
i feel very strong about this commitment to myself. to end alot of pain that i keep letting get caused on myself. i wish i could cry at this moment but my body and mind wont let me. he isnt worth shedding the tears for. i am moving on.
i honestly cannot garantee this will last...but at this moment i feel strongly and need to keep going...hopefully relieving even more pain and confusion from my mind!
i know this will hurt him...and it bothers me that he doesnt want to let me go. he hangs on for his own sanity. but my sanity matters also. so i told him that...and im hoping he will be okay. i really really hope so. i hope he stops hiding his own pain and is able to move on from the people who keep hurting him...to stop smiling through the pain. to express whats actually hurting. to fix his own problems.
i tried to be there for him and i wasnt any help. this is something we both need to do on our own.
im sorry i couldnt help fix you, but you didnt want to be fixed.im moving on because as long as i am near you i keep hurting and i cant move on like that.
so this is hopefully the final goodbye.
im afraid this doesnt express myself enough lol. i need to go smother a pillow and relieve some pain and stress still hanging around. i need to cry and scream, listen to screamo Xp...yuck lol
there will be nomore self injury emotional and physical. starting today as day 1! i will not fail...
i have been going in cirles with this guy. i love him dearly but it was most definately an unhealty love between us.
i ended our "friendship" today. enough circling. enough pain. enough lying and pretending to be happy.
i might love him and continue to love him for a while...but eventually the pain will end and i will have moved on from him. love is never supposed to be this much pain. and it wont be anymore. because im not letting it control my actions and control my life.
the thought of never speaking to him again hurts severly...but it is for the best i believe. to think i have marks on myself i created from the pain he caused me...forever will i have to look down on myself and be reminded of him. the physical scars though will never compare to the emotional ones.
i feel very strong about this commitment to myself. to end alot of pain that i keep letting get caused on myself. i wish i could cry at this moment but my body and mind wont let me. he isnt worth shedding the tears for. i am moving on.
i honestly cannot garantee this will last...but at this moment i feel strongly and need to keep going...hopefully relieving even more pain and confusion from my mind!
i know this will hurt him...and it bothers me that he doesnt want to let me go. he hangs on for his own sanity. but my sanity matters also. so i told him that...and im hoping he will be okay. i really really hope so. i hope he stops hiding his own pain and is able to move on from the people who keep hurting him...to stop smiling through the pain. to express whats actually hurting. to fix his own problems.
i tried to be there for him and i wasnt any help. this is something we both need to do on our own.
im sorry i couldnt help fix you, but you didnt want to be fixed.im moving on because as long as i am near you i keep hurting and i cant move on like that.
so this is hopefully the final goodbye.
im afraid this doesnt express myself enough lol. i need to go smother a pillow and relieve some pain and stress still hanging around. i need to cry and scream, listen to screamo Xp...yuck lol
there will be nomore self injury emotional and physical. starting today as day 1! i will not fail...
